I did this series of paintings in 2008. They were done on 28×22 paper with acrylic paint. Rarely do I make it a habit to paint in a series. These three just came to me. I completed them at a difficult time. My wife and I were trying to have a child. Only five weeks earlier we had learned that she was pregnant. But, at the fifth week she started spotting and went to the doctor to discover that the fetus did not have a heartbeat, that we had miscarried. It was our first pregnancy. We were only five weeks pregnant and we never heard a heartbeat prior to then so it’s not as tragic as it may sound. Nevertheless, we were heartbroken.
These were the first three paintings I completed after that experience. I didn’t set out to paint something symbolic it was only after their completion that I started to feel some kind of connection to events. For me the two outside pieces that are lighter in color came to symbolize my wife and I. And, I assumed the contrasting dark image in the middle represented that pregnancy, that lost pregnancy. This must’ve been my subconscious way of dealing with the grief over the experience.
The cross looking marks throughout all three paintings were made using sandpaper, scraping away the top layers of paint. I am not religious so I find it interesting that these look like crosses. I am a bit spiritual at times so I feel that maybe these markings represent a form of yearning for something to deliver peace of mind. There was a wanting to have faith that we were going to be okay. Eventually, we were and two years later we had my daughter Keira.
These painting have never hung in our house. There has never been a good space to hang them together in our house and based on my interpretation it never felt right to hang one alone. They have sat forever in my garage studio, but this past spring I publicly displayed them for the first time. My wife much to my surprise has not attached as much sentiment to these paintings as I thought and that set me free to consider selling them. I had much interest in their purchase after their public showing. I am happy to see that they will find a home for showing rather than collecting dust. I hope you enjoyed the story behind their creation.